23 Things You Must Ask For Because there's room for naughty and nice
23 Things You Must Ask For
Because there's room for naughty and nice
By: Mike Zimmerman
Posted on 10/18/2005
1. For her to stop giving you cool gifts that make her angry because you spend so much time playing with them.
2. The patience to deal with "Some assembly required." This applies to families, too.
3. The determination to convince yourself that this year, the gut goes, the girl stays, and the Colts win the Super Bowl.
4. The moment of clarity required to grasp that seeing even one of these things happen makes for a hell of a year.
5. A little help from your dad. On anything.
6. A night of seething lust, the kind you and she used to have before you both got too busy, too tired, and too serious to have sex.
7. The persistence to get her to pencil you in on the 29th, so you can confirm 24 hours in advance that you should pick up the wine and chocolate sauce for the night of seething lust, the kind you used to have before you both got too busy, too tired, and too serious to have sex.
8. Less Chevy Chase, more Charlie Brown.
9. More golf balls. But not the kind that you tee up.
10. A new PDA, because her fiscal-year-end audit just bumped your night of seething lust to the 3rd.
11. For someone to agree that Die Hard counts as a Christmas movie.
12. The courage to use only cash and creativity for gifts this year. No credit cards accepted.
13. A gentle reminder -- unlike last year's full-blown intervention -- that work is for weekdays.
14. The understanding that it's okay to hope it's a son.
15. The deeper understanding that you'll be giddy as a goofball even if it's not.
16. The softness of heart necessary to realize that the reason Mom and Dad are so clingy lately is that they hear their clocks ticking, and they just want to spend time with you beyond the twice-yearly flybys you grant them.
17. Less guilt.
18. The drive to finish all projects with the same speed and relish with which you finish an act of seething lust.
19. A paperback of Fight Club. Not to quote from, or for codes to live by, but simply to enjoy, because, man, when was the last time you read for that?
20. The sincerity to make a Christmas-dinner toast worthy of the people at the table. Because, gotta tell ya, that sarcasm angle really flopped last year, bud.
21. More time. You'll never get it, but it never hurts to ask.
22. A moratorium on New Year's resolutions. Not because they're pointless, cliché-ridden wastes of willpower, but because you have enough control over your health, career, and love life that they've become completely unnecessary. You've reached that level, right? Right?
23. World peace. In your own little world, anyway.
posted by thchewningcofc @ 11:16 AM
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